195 Hilarious And Inspirational Facebook Status Updates

I am a sociable media fan who enjoys thinking up matter to and challenging ideas . Looking for the arrant Facebook status update ? Look no promote ! Canva.com

Looking for some condition update divine guidance ? I wo n’t bore you with stories about where these came from ; I ‘ll good give you a list of curious and sarcastic statuses. I have tried to include the authors for the lines I did not develop on my own. And hey, if you know the reference of an unattributed quote, feel barren to leave that information as a comment at the bottom . Meg Amey

1. Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake.
2. Sarcasm helps keep people from understanding you’re saying what you really think of them.
3. I once prayed to God for a bike but quickly found out He didn’t work that way—so I stole a bike and prayed for His forgiveness.
4. A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
5. You can’t be late until you show up.
6. War doesn’t determine who’s right—it determines who’s left.
7. If you think things can’t get worse, it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
8. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
9. Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
10. Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn’t pay. So if you keep reading, you’ll go broke.
11. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
12. It may look like I’m doing nothing, but I’m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
13. Every rule has an exception, especially this one.
14. History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. ~ Abba Eban
15. The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. ~ Frank Zappa
16. Don’t let your mind wander—it’s too little to be let out alone.
17. Life’s a bitch; if it were easy, it’d be a slut.
18. I’d call you a tool, but even they serve a purpose.
19. Death is life’s way of telling you that you’ve been fired. Suicide is your way to tell life, “You can’t fire me, I quit!”
20. Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

Michelle Phillips 21. To err is human. To arr is pirate. 22. I would n’t say you ‘re unintelligent. You are, but I would n’t say it. 23. If at first you do n’t succeed, destroy any tell that you always tried. 24. If at inaugural you do n’t succeed, redefine success. 25. If you ca n’t beat them, format to have them beaten. 26. Why does life sentence keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn ? 27. I have a interfering day ahead : I have trouble to start, rumors to spread, and people to argue with. 28. I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up. 29. I once stood in the back and said, “ Everyone attack ! ” but it did n’t turn into a Ballroom Blitz. 30. Learn from Pandora ‘s mistake—think outside the box. 31. Do n’t look now, but I ‘m hiding under your bed. 32. oxymoron : When an astronaut feels under the weather. 33. freedom means the right to yell, “ dramaturgy ! ” in a herd open fire. 34. I wonder if Ikea has a decaffeinated coffee coffee mesa. 35. If a mute person burp, does it make a sound ? 36. I was complimented on my driving today. person left a note on my windshield that said, “ Parking Fine. ” 37. Finding a job in this economy is like playing Where ‘s Waldo ? —except that Waldo is looking for a job, besides. 38. today, I saw a commercial for the Snuggie. I thought it was a dazed theme, but I couldn ’ t switch the channel because I was under a blanket and didn ’ thyroxine want my arms to get cold reach for the remote control. 39. scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today ’ sulfur condition. 40. Words can entirely hurt you if you try to read them. Do n’t play their game . Rob Potter 41. I feel like getting something done today, so I ‘m barely going to sit hera until that feel passes … 42. I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you : the more you have, the longer you live. 43. gratuity of the week : When going through airport customs and the TSA agent asks, “ Do you have any firearms with you ? ” do not reply, “ What do you need ? ” 44. I no longer question authority, I annoy agency. More effect, less feat. 45. TEIAM—problem solved. 46. I good read a tilt titled “ 100 Things to Do Before You Die. ” I ‘m pretty storm “ cry for assistant ” was n’t one of them. 47. I went to the script memory earlier to buy the book Where ‘s Waldo. When I got there, I could n’t find the reserve anywhere. Well played, Waldo, well played. 48. It recently became apparent to me that the letters “ T ” and “ G ” are far besides close together on a keyboard. This is why I ‘ll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase “ Regards ” ever again. 49. I have an oven with a “ discontinue time ” release. It ‘s credibly meant to be “ stop timer, ” but I do n’t touch it, precisely in event. 50. When a fly or minor bug lands on your computer screen, has your first reaction ever been to try and scare it with the cursor ? 51. People think I ‘m excessively patronizing ( that means I treat them as if they ‘re stupid ). 52. The fact that I woke up this dawn means that the assassins have failed again. 53. If your relationship condition says, “ It ‘s complicated, ” possibly you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “ Single. ” 54. I dream of a better world, where chickens can cross the road without anyone questioning their motives. 55. How long do you think it would take to solve a Rubik ‘s cube if you were color blind ? 56. I used to be estimable at sports. then I realized that I could buy trophies. now I ‘m good at everything. 57. I decided to cancel my Twitter score. I do n’t want to sound paranoid, but I was reasonably sure people were following me. 58. “ Dammit I ‘m delirious ” is spelled the same way backwards. Think about it. 59. Who decided that wallpaper beats rock ? Let ‘s examination this theory. Have person hold up a sail of wallpaper in front man of his or her boldness, then throw a rock at it. Who wins ? 60. Grammar is important. Commas save lives, as in this case : “ Let ‘s eat grandfather. ” vs “ Let ‘s consume, grandfather. ” Phil Guest 61. peace now = insanity late. 62. The greatest thing about Facebook is that you can quote something and wholly make up the reference. ~ Julius Caesar 63. My cell telephone is indeed outdated that it has a circular dial. 64. There are more than two kinds of people in this world. Do n’t believe the bumper stickers. 65. Do n’t make me have to wound your inner child. 66. I hate when mimes get in your boldness and do n’t say anything. ~ Butthead 67. The angle of the dangle is adversely proportional to the heat of the beat. 68. I rear-ended a car this dawn. indeed there we were aboard the road, and lento the other driver got out of his cable car. You know how sometimes you merely get therefore stress and little things merely seem funny story ? Yeah, well I could n’t believe it—he was a dwarf ! He stormed over to my cable car, looked up at me, and shouted, “ I AM NOT HAPPY ! ” I looked down at him and said, “ well, then which one are you ? ” 69. I saw a provocative movie the early day called The Net, starring that female child from the busbar. ~ Mr. Costanza, The Seinfeld Show 70. Fell off the jetway again. ~ Lloyd Christmas, Dumb & Dumber 71. If I knew I had a workweek to live, I would probably go to Ireland. And Japan. And Peru. And I ‘d want to see the Grand Canyon. And the other two oceans. It would be a pretty busy workweek. 72. If sergeant Extreme and Major Awesome had visited my high educate, I credibly would have joined the US Army excessively. 73. Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it “ guaranteed, ” I will. I got spare clock time. But for nowadays, for your customer ‘s sake, for your daughter ‘s sake, you might wan sodium think about buying a quality product from me. ~ Tommy, Tommy Boy 74. These things happen, ya know. You go for a walk in the park one day and wheel-chair ninja and nazi and pots-and-pans robots show up to kill ya, and dinosaurs show up to eat the remains. You ‘ve seen the news. ~ Peter Griffin, Family Guy 75. Dr. Shakalu brought some crazy Zimbabwe weed that turns you into a deer. ~ Grandma ‘s Boy 76. now, I ‘m going to do something I like to call the “ compliment sandwich, ” where I say something good, spill about where you need improvement, and then end with something dear. ~ Stewie Griffin, Family Guy 77. dearly Facebook : Please stop asking me what ‘s on my mind. I ‘m gon na get myself in fuss if I keep spilling my guts to you. 78. I stopped to smell the roses once. A bee flew out of the flower and up my intrude, stung me in the nasal consonant vestibule, and caused a dangerous allergic reaction and six days of well up septum. now whenever I see roses, I keep walking. 79. I feel like Neve Campbell in Scream 2. She thinks she can go off to college and be happy, but then the murderer comes spinal column and starts killing off all of her friends. I learned a fortune of lessons from that movie. This is barely one of them. 80. I once reported my roommate to INS. Turns out she ‘s clean, but I ‘m glad I did it. 81. If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be felicitous to do it for you. 82. When I discovered YouTube, I did n’t work for five days. I did nothing. I watched Cookie Monster sing “ Chocolate Rain ” about a thousand times. ~ Michael Scott, The Office 83. If I were joking, you would be laughing. Do you look like you are laughing ? ~ Michael Scott, The Office 84. I ‘ve never had champagne that tastes like cherry cola, but I know person who wants to live like the ape man. 85. Guess what ? I have flaws. What are they ? Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower ? sometimes I spend besides much time volunteering. occasionally I ‘ll hit person with my car. so sue me—no, do n’t sue me. That is inverse the point I ‘m trying to make. ~ Michael Scott, The Office 86. security in this position is a joke. last year I came to work with my spud gunman in a duffel bag bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a plunder that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square edge. Can you imagine if I was deranged ? ~ Dwight Schrute, The Office 87. I did n’t say, “ Abe Lincoln, ” I said, “ Hey, Blinken ! ” ~ Ahchoo, Robin Hood : man In Tights 88. I ‘m gon na grab one of those bulls over there and ride into town like a conquistador to challenge Hatcher to a duel, show him who the real tooth fagot is. 89. I just want everyone to know that I have gone another day without being stabbed repeatedly. I want to thank my friends who did not stab me repeatedly, the fans of the not Being Stabbed repeatedly page, the creator of the not Being Stabbed repeatedly page, and the many people who contributed to this induce by not stabbing me repeatedly. Without you, I might have been stabbed repeatedly, of which I am not a winnow. ( Of course, this condition is much more effective if you are a Facebook fan of “ not Being Stabbed repeatedly. ” ) 90. I was God once. It was going truly well until everyone died. 91. Blackmail is such an despicable bible. I prefer “ extortion. ” The “ x ” makes it healthy cool. ~ Bender, Futurama 92. Leela cracked corn, and I do n’t care. Fry cracked corn, I hush do n’t care. Bender cracked corn, and he is bang-up ! Take that, you stupid corn ! ~ Bender, Futurama 93. Just once I ‘d like to eat dinner with a fame who is n’t bound and gagged. 94. It ‘s been 243 days since my last attempt to take over the universe. I ‘ve been distracted by my current mission : to leave everyone uninformed and clueless. 95. I do not have the time to listen to you whine, you histrionic fool. 96. I do n’t want a large Farva ! I want a damn liter-o’-cola ! ! ~ Officer Farva, Super Troopers 97. The wholly argue you watch a television express is because it ends. If I want a long, drilling report with no point to it, I have my life. Could you imagine if I went into work, did half of the problem, then said, “ Come back following week for the lengthiness ! ” 98. How did you fit a leo in your air pocket ? No wonder it ‘s ready to roar. 99. first gear the ground cooled, then the dinosaurs came, and they all bought Benzes. 100. Who is Pete and why is it for his sake ? 101. I danced with a squirrel in my car because I ‘m sexy, and I do what I want. 102. If I ‘m not back in five minutes, precisely wait longer. ~ Ace Ventura, Ace Ventura : Pet Detective 103. Call the FBI and tell them I fell down a flight of step ! ~ Dr. Oz, The Whole Nine Yards 104. If my employer were more democratic than communist, they might allow us to vote on making Wednesday part of the “ mid-week weekend ” bonus plan that I barely made up. I vote “ aye, ” save me, Jebus ! ~ Homer Simpson, The Simpsons 105. Do n’t it always seem to go that you do n’t know what you got ’til it ‘s gone ? But sometimes when you get it back, it ‘s dreadfully deformed and covered in an unusually fetid gelatinize multitude that you ca n’t identify. 106. I ‘d pay a dollar and a half to see a tree museum. 107. The great state of Vermont will not apologize for its cheese. ~ Senator Ortolan Finistirre, Thank You For Smoking 108. My sarcasm merely gets me in perturb when my brain-to-mouth trickle is malfunctioning.

109. Whenever I ‘m on fire, I remember to stop, drop, and roll, not run around screaming my head off. ~ dead world on campus 110. I was wholly very well. I ‘ve never even been to Mount Vesuvius. ~ Hansel, Zoolander 111. Easy, guys, I put my pants on just like the remainder of you—one peg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records. ~ Christopher Walken as Bruce Dickinson, SNL 112. I got a fever, and the alone prescription is more cowbell ~ Christopher Walken as Bruce Dickinson, SNL 113. Do sealions eat seazebras ? ~ Pinky, Pinky and the Brain 114. Calling an engineer an apply scientist is like calling an artistic painter an give pigment chemist. 115. The problem with reality is that there ‘s no background music, so you never very know whether something cryptic, evil, or adventurous is about to happen. 116. If the crippled does n’t freeze every six minutes, then you ‘re not watching Fox. 117. I had partially of a slinky once. I straightened it. 118. If you cooked any slower, you would n’t need an testis timer ; you ‘d need an testis calendar. ~ Stewie Griffin, Family Guy 119. I am not crazy ! At least, no more than any normal person should be. 120. Humans are the only creatures on earth that will cut down trees, make paper, then write “ SAVE TREES ” on it. ~ aluminum masum from the comments section 121. Who likes fruitcake ? I mean, truly, giving you a fruitcake for a introduce is barely another way of saying, “ I dislike you therefore a lot that I ‘m going to give you 2000 calories of jellify fruit and nut compacted into a brick and wrapped in fictile. ” 122. A person may be inherently wise or experienced, but that means little or nothing if he/she is perceived as a fool. I, on the other pass, am not a great fritter, so I can clearly not choose the wine in movement of you. ~ Combination of The Princess Bride and “ Building Pathology, An introduction ” 123. ( name ) is trying not to think about penguins. 124. good things are coming soon. Stay tuned for more information after a few words from our sponsors. 125. ( name ) wants to go somewhere warm where the beer flows like wine. 126. Whisper down the lane is not a much playfulness on Facebook as it was when we used to sit in rows on the floor of the school secondary school. 127. You ‘re then conceited, you credibly think this condition is about you. 128. I wish I was adenine bright as I think I am. 129. The future time person texts me with “ kelvin, ” I ‘m going to tell them that they smell like a hippo. And when they respond with “ WTF ? ? ” I ‘m going to respond with good “ k. ” 130. Whoever says that pizza is not good for you is thus wrong. You can actually get every single food group into a one slice. You ca n’t say that approximately much else. 131. ( name ) thinks the marimba is wholly underestimate. 132. Where is the chase and how do I cut to it ? ~ Chris Griffin, Family Guy 133. If Santa were to name his balls, would he call one “ milk ” and the other “ Cookies ” ? 134. If fetching does n’t matter, then why keep score ? 135. It ‘s amazing how something arsenic elementary as shout and throwing things, although it does n’t solve your problems or help you find a solution, however makes you feel better ! nowadays I need something to throw and somewhere to yell. 136. ( list ) is not the rope-totin ‘ Charlie Bronson aspirant. 137. ( name ) needs to master the art of patience. Quickly. 138. If a person who drinks excessively much is an alcoholic, then is person who never drinks called a non-alcoholic ? 139. If you think you have nothing to be grateful for today, consider this : At least you ‘re not a turkey. happy Holidays, folks. Enjoy your meter today. ( lone effective on Thanksgiving Day. ) 140. I lost my accountabilibuddy . Kaboompics 141. You ‘ve worked hard all week. You deserve to get drunk, vomit on a bar stool, pray to the toilet gods, and sweat on the toilet floor, where you will wake up the pursue good afternoon with a concern, bad breath, and nausea. Have a good clock, because you deserve this. 142. You do n’t want to question me. I ‘ve forgotten more in the past week than you ‘ve learned your whole animation. 143. If I become a fan of myself, does that mean that every prison term I update my wall it will send an update to my wall ? 144. A Penn State student trying to raise money for cancer came up to my cable car asking for money. I told her that I do n’t support cancer or Penn State.

145. person at work said to me, “ Inquiring minds want to know if you have a boyfriend. ” I said, “ Yes, I do, but do n’t tell my conserve. ” 146. somewhere in America, person you do n’t like is praying for you. ~ Rachel Maddow 147. company is never going to make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. 148. ( name ) is searching for acid. so far, it ‘s not at Subway or Wawa. 149. You are on the earphone, person ‘asks ‘, “ Hold please. ” No, no question—they good say it and put you on defy. Can you scream, “ NO ! ” into the phone before they put you on hold ? Will they hear it before you get put on keep ? Will they think you ‘re crazy ? Will they still put you on hold ? Will they hang up on you ? Will they help you sooner ? You have now been on cargo area 24 minutes. Discuss . Max Pixel While it ‘s fun to be snarky, once in a while it ‘s good to throw in something sincere. After all, animation is besides short not to take a break and try to gain some position once in a while. 150. No artist could ever compare to the mastery of Mother Nature. 151. If you ‘re so capture up in avoiding lightning, you may not ever enjoy a single thunderstorm. 152. One of the bang-up regrets of my life is that I suffered so many assholes indeed gladly for thus many years, all for the sake of a paycheck. 153. There are therefore many gods, so many creeds, so many paths that wind and wind, while all the sad populace requires is simply the art of being kind. 154. If crying does n’t make the deplorable things better, then why do we do it ? 155. Go away, bad temper. I did n’t invite you into my world nowadays. 156. Look outside of yourself, and you will appreciate others ‘ accomplishments, failures, hardships, and journeys. 157. I was not depart of the problem, but I will be region of the solution. 158. If you ca n’t get person out of your head, then possibly they ‘re supposed to be there. 159. sometimes things happen in life sentence that are not region of the plan. When that happens, do n’t give up on your dreams ; barely find another way to reach them. 160. small repairs in a break wall assistant to build a stronger barrier against the ocean of negativity that surrounds us. 161. Everything Irie. 162. costly liveliness : You have some explain to do. 163. If you remind yourself of the great things in life, the rugged times do n’t seem sol crushing. 164. Looks can fade american samoa cursorily as the cloud pass through the flip. It ‘s the moments that touch your heart and heal your soul that last forever, along with the people who bring them to you. 165. Forgive those who hurt you even if whatever they did is unforgiveable. You will forgive them not because they deserve it, but because you do n’t want to suffer every clock you remember what they did to you . By Jacques-Louis David [ Public sphere ], via Wikimedia Commons 166. All men ‘s souls are deity, but the soul of the righteous are immortal and divine ~ Socrates 167. A hero is born among a hundred, and a wise man is found among a thousand, but an accomplished one might not be found even among a hundred thousand. 168. All noble things are angstrom unmanageable as they are rare. 169. Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the still of my annoyance but for the center to conquer it. 170. Every pass moment is another prospect to turn it about. 171. today is going to be unmanageable and challenging. today, I will face my fears and stand up for what I believe is right. today, my lord and altruistic acts may be accused of barbarous and avaricious intentions. No matter what the consequence, I will be stronger, my family will be closer, and I will last have the blockage that I have been seeking for then many years. 172. A smile is an cheap way to improve your looks. 173. Try this for a day : rather of saying, “ I hate, ” say “ I dislike. ” 174. A good day starts with a positive attitude and a great cup of coffee. 175. We have to hurt in order to know, fall in decree to grow, and lose in order to gain, because most of life sentence ‘s lessons are taught through pain. 176. Kudos to those who have the abilities to do what I can not do. 177. My dreams are bigger than my wallet, but I ‘ll find a direction. 178. Realize your potential. 179. Do n’t overreact or give advice besides promptly. This lone trains people not to be open with you. 180. The only one who is responsible for the way your liveliness works out is you. You can not change the by, but you can take duty for your future. All it takes is a decisiveness. Decide to live a life of discipline quite than one of regret. Remember that discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons. 181. Beneath the criticism is an implicit in message. Criticism is a smoke sieve for deeper feelings. Compare criticism to cheese on a mousetrap. What happens when the mouse takes the cheese ? He gets his tail catch in the trap. That ‘s what happens when you take the bait of criticism. Do n’t take the tease. 182. Staying connected is more crucial than making your point. 183. Saying nothing when you actually want to say something only pushes those differences, disagreements, and conflicts under a simmer surface. just be careful about how you air your feelings when you decide to open up during a conflict. 184. nothing will be gained by blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will not get you anywhere ; it will only give you restlessness. 185. I ca n’t pinpoint the moment when we started working toward rare goals, but I ‘m fairly certain that it corresponds with the consequence when we stopped being productive. 186. Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank explanation was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of cable car I drove. But the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins became a tourist attraction. 187. I can not change the seasons or the wind ( at least, not even ), but I can change myself. 188. Although I have loved and lost, it does not make this tragic time any less devastate. All that I can do is remember the life and love that was given and give thanks for the fantastic people brought in concert at such an enormous expense. 189. Death leaves a grief no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal. 190. When you are sorrowful, look again in your affection, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your enchant. 191. a devastating as things may seem, there is always that gleam of hope to guide you through the storm. 192. I ‘m reasonably much destined for greatness. I ‘m merely pacing myself then I do n’t freak you out. ~ Shelley from the comments section

193. Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a corner, it will live its hale life believing that it is stupid. ~ Albert Einstein, as suggested by Me in the comments section 194. Outside of a chase, a book is serviceman ‘s best friend. Inside of a frump, it ‘s besides dark to read. ~ Groucho Marx, as suggested by Me in the comments section 195. If you watch the Titanic backwards, it ‘s about a charming boat that emerges from the sea and saves people. ~ Myself from the comments segment Victoria on June 16, 2020 : cool Ana Vega on October 03, 2019 : Great tank you for sharing Zplus07 on September 14, 2019 : Best Ryan987 on November 12, 2018 : I have been scam by indeed many hackers but when one met this special hacker he did all one wanted for me he is so good badly he is the barn eastern time when it comes to hacking he has helped me hack my spouse earphone who was cheating badly he is the best he is CHARLIEHACKTIVIST at gigabyte mail dot com try him and thank me late Sayedul Arfin on October 27, 2018 : Excellent all model Charles Troy Mash Cj on October 19, 2018 : Cool I Love em Nellie on July 22, 2018 : Love it CHENGE SAMSON on September 24, 2017 : Thanks for sharing BATMAN!!!!!! on August 30, 2017 : Sick moves lasso, never doubted you bro Shinri Hamaguchi on May 11, 2017 : Thanks for sharing If you looking more attractive sarcastic status for whatsapp and facebook so here lost of collection try it now. hypertext transfer protocol : //status3k.com/sarcastic-status-whatsapp-quo … Internet traveler on April 30, 2016 : 13 year olds poster, “ Haters gon na hate ” I bet you do n’t have haters, precisely elders who finds you annoying. Michael on January 13, 2015 : My name ‘s Michael. Due to its spelling most people say it incorrectly. It ‘s actually pronounced Daddy. Epsonok0 Offline and not logging in for one comment. on October 25, 2013 : This has got to be the longest hub I have ever read. Funny stuff though. I was laughing and reading a few of these off to some people. bang-up job. UpdaseKed on March 06, 2013 : When one employed to get high gear on life but these days I ‘ve in truth accumulated the enemy. dj crook on January 07, 2013 : Schwarzenegger has a boastful one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna does n’t have one, The POPE has one but does n’t use it, Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one, George Burns ‘ was hot, Liberace NEVER used his on women, Jerry Seinfeld is identical very proud of his, We never saw Lucy use Desi ‘s what is it ? A end name … …. Were you thinking of something else ? Vee on November 29, 2012 : ticket ..I mean in truth cool aka bang-up precisely copy past kayla on November 04, 2012 : good ones Emily on September 05, 2012 : sleep all day. Party all night Cakeland on August 09, 2012 : # 21 is from 8 mile ishu dhalaria on July 21, 2012 : A monkey turns on his personal computer, goes to internet, opens facebook statuses, and now he is reading this status m!ko on July 14, 2012 : Gosh iodine was cracking up real badly …. John on June 30, 2012 : Thx for sharing ! i wonder how u think of such things thato on June 24, 2012 : just do it on facebook ! HaileyMarie on June 22, 2012 : Wow ! I laughed soooo hard at the titanic one in the comments ! Lol : ) Alyssa on June 20, 2012 : What ‘s green and has wheels ? … ..…….… … … … .grass ( i lied about the wheels ) Asconio on June 09, 2012 : Thank you, those are reasonably bloody funny. Some of them are just f**king hilarious ! Joey on June 04, 2012 : “ beloved Facebook, Please stop asking me what ‘s on my take care. I ‘m gon na get myself in trouble if I keep spilling my guts to you. ” amazing ! kakogo on June 02, 2012 : What does it take a grown up girl to give what the develop up valet is asking from her ? Mike Woood on May 26, 2012 : Agreed : ) RiciaAnn (author) on May 26, 2012 : I ‘m not in truth certain what some of the comments on here are referring to, but I ‘d like to offer a assemble of advice. When I see more than 5 lines of text in all caps, I skip past it. I think that ‘s common among most readers. If you have something to say that you think is important adequate to type out, try typing without using all caps and divide each remember, or every 3-4 sentences by starting a new paragraph. All caps are more effective if you use them for only a few words to DRAW ATTENTION to a particular piece of your argument. It will be easier to follow, and the consultation will be more likely to read the entire gossip. happy posting everyone, and thank you for your convinced thoughts and comments : d ALMOST FORGOT THIS DUMB ONE. WHO ACCIDENTLY TRIED TO CLIMB UP BECAUSE HE DIDN’T KNOW HE ACCIDENTLY GOT SHOCKED BY LIGHTENING. IN LOVE. J/K I DUNNO 🙂 on May 25, 2012 : Everyone is a flair. But if you judge a fish on it ‘s ability to climb a tree, it will live it ‘s whole life sentence believing that it is unintelligent. -Albert Einstien CAREFUL NOT TO MESS WITH THUNDER AND LIGHTENING. WE ‘RE NOT LIGHT WHEN WE STRIKE. SO WE HOLD HANDS AND BOW DOWN FOR GOD TO GIVE YOU GRACE AND NOT STRIKE YOU DEAD. MAYBE, JUST A LITTLE MAD. regretful : / JUST SAY YOU ARE ONE. THEY WILL KNOW. START BELIEVING IN TRUST. on May 25, 2012 : no matchless is more youer than you ME on May 25, 2012 : Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on it ‘s ability to climb a tree, it will live it ‘s hale life believing that it is dazed. -Albert Einstien DEAR ALBERT, PEOPLE DO N’T HAVE GILLS. PEOPLE CAN CLIMB TREES, BUT SHOULD N’T. THANK GOD. FOR A MINUTE I THOUGHT ALBERT WAS STUPID. today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is youer than you. Shout aloud “ I am glad to be what I am. ” Thank good I ‘m not a dollar, or a ham, or a dusty old jar of gooseberry jam. I am what I am, what a great thing to be. If I say therefore myself, “ felicitous casual to me ! ” -Dr. Suess I LIKE DR. SEUSS HE WRITES LIKE A KID SO CHILDREN CAN SOUND OUT THE WORD WITH LETTERS. Outside of a chase, a reserve is serviceman ‘s best acquaintance. Inside of a cad, it ‘s to dark to read. -Groucho Marx DEAR GROUCHO MARK ( Muppet dog talking ) UNLESS YOU MEET A FEMALE WOLF. write IS A MAN ‘S RELEASE AND JOURNEY TOWARD PEACE. STAY POSITIVE IF YOU EXPECT TO BE HAPPY. I PREFER A PLASTIC BUBBLE BECAUSE I LIKE TO SEE PEOPLE AND JUST PRESS MUTE WHEN THEY TALK BECAUSE I LOVE TO READ THEIR LIPS MOVE IN DIFFERENT WAYS. YOU on May 25, 2012 : this condition are ok. needs tobe more funny story but so inspirational. just SAY THESE QUOTES NEED TO BE MORE INSPIRATIONAL. ME on May 25, 2012 : Great stuff ! I got a few a lot needed laugh. Thank you. I have to bookmark this one to come back to over and over ! PICK ONE. OR TWO. OR J/K HOLLER! THIS IS FUNNY on May 25, 2012 : ” The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and wholly make up the source. ” ~ Julius Caesar Amanda on May 25, 2012 : These are not amaze. AY. AmAnDa please spell your name correctly Amanda looks prettier immediately, your not a nickname Alex Loser on May 25, 2012 : you know what ‘s better than shiting in the thousand, shiting in the yard doing a handstand Like when a ridicule makes a girlfriend drink to much only to find out she packed her pot with bread. She may have smelled your flowers coming. TATIANA on May 25, 2012 : these r so fishy. made my day. they r identical insperational and have big meaning excessively. These are then funny story ! These fragments need to written as a quote for the meaning to ACTUALLY be inspirational. KIM KARDASHIAN on May 25, 2012 : The following time person texts me with “ kelvin ”, I ‘m going to tell them that they smell like a hippopotamus. And when they respond with “ WTF ? ? ” I ‘m going to respond with just “ thousand ” – I USED TO TEXT “ K ” IF YOU COULD ACT OR READ AN ACTUAL SCRIPT LIKE MY FRIEND PAUL. THEN YOU WOULD GET IT. IT ‘S A GIRLS WAY OF BEING CUTE WHEN SHE TALKS LIKE A SPOILED BRAT. SHE ‘S JUST A LITTLE GIRL AND A GOOD GIRL. YEP. tatiana on May 21, 2012 : these r sol funny. made my day. they r very insperational and have great meaning besides. AmAnDa on May 18, 2012 : These are amazing. They actually made my day ! Awesome job. Poetic Fool on May 15, 2012 : Great gorge ! I got a few much needed laugh. Thank you. I have to bookmark this one to come back to over and over ! ~CHOP~ on May 15, 2012 : well done yolo on May 12, 2012 : this condition are ok. needs tobe more funny story but so inspirational. mari on April 17, 2012 : hahahaha ! halerios farce : ) RiciaAnn (author) on April 16, 2012 : That ‘s AWESOME ! Perfect time, excessively : ) sallysoda on April 16, 2012 : one love 129 [email protected] on April 13, 2012 : rili hilarious GloC on April 10, 2012 : Its simpleton, Kill the Batman ~ The joker flynn on April 09, 2012 : # 8 is from Dilbert sunnykye on April 07, 2012 : # 5 was n’t Patton or Fallout 3 or Call of Duty. It was Bertrand Russell. lizzy on April 02, 2012 : the best web ever keep it up and keep it running causal agent im gon na run to : ( ) : Leslie Trotter from New Orleans, La on March 22, 2012 : “ The bring around to aloneness is to get out there and socialize, the bring around to getting those you wish you had n’t met out of your life is to tell them you are out on parole and you know where they live. ” This one is useful besides smartrich22 from Bandung, Indonesia on February 26, 2012 : These Facebook statuses are fantastic, thanks for posting this ! Myself on February 21, 2012 : If you watch the titanic backwards, it ‘s about a charming gravy boat that emerges from the sea and saves people. Me on February 11, 2012 : 144 is bill Cosby Heather on February 07, 2012 : just thought you should know … …. never heed. I will feel like I ‘m typing a 50 page try al masum on February 07, 2012 : Humans are the merely creatures on earth that will cut down trees, make newspaper, then write “ SAVE TREES ” on them. Gary on December 22, 2011 : girlfriend : what ‘s that ? Boy : chocalate Girl : wher did u get it ? Boy : a pooch dropped it Gir : EWWW Shanna on December 20, 2011 : Kinda brainsick because one def came up with 127 like over a year ago ! on a igniter note, the others seemed very original and YOU rock ! carley on December 19, 2011 : omg sooo funny story Zac on November 14, 2011 : Everyone is a brilliance. But if you judge a pisces on it ‘s ability to climb a tree, it will live it ‘s hale life believing that it is dazed. -Albert Einstien today you are you, that is truer than truthful. There is no one active that is youer than you. Shout aloud “ I am glad to be what I am. ” Thank good I ‘m not a clam, or a ham, or a cold previous jolt of gooseberry jam. I am what I am, what a great matter to be. If I say then myself, “ felicitous everyday to me ! ” -Dr. Suess Outside of a frank, a book is man ‘s best friend. Inside of a frump, it ‘s to dark to read. -Groucho Marx washington on November 14, 2011 : Posting them and getting comments.kip it pumping. jr on November 05, 2011 : my wife asked what was on the television receiver and one said scandal clean it..what iodine realized is it is not easy ducking from a display flying at your head ELL DEE on October 31, 2011 : that girlfriend is about equally aplomb as a crowd surfboard at a jewel concert Hailey Berdan on October 18, 2011 : one truly love this jokes they r hillarious thx for dooing them never laughed like this abe on October 04, 2011 : never taste the depth of the water with person else ‘s tongue o_O l on October 03, 2011 : dont let me book your face Olivia Gregory,TN on August 29, 2011 : Sooo freaking hilarious ! ! ! ! ( : I know three facts about you. You cant say M without making your lips touch. your doing it veracious nowadays. and nowadays your laugh at yourself. Blue Biamond on August 29, 2011 : Lolz these are hilarious … I loved realing them ! I was annoyed at something but nowadays i forgot coz ireaded these … thanks : ) carol on August 22, 2011 : just want to thank the people who have walked into my life and made it great. And besides thank you to those who have walked out and made it antic ! peace Naomi on August 05, 2011 : These all r tooo gud ! Thanxs buddy ! tim overstreet on June 14, 2011 : Women are barely like men after you take off reasoning and accountability. christine meyer on April 23, 2011 : i write this on fb page and everybody likes it ? ? ? one wonder why ? ? > > … kurt villar on April 11, 2011 : iodine had total in my condition last calendar month 15 friends liked it and until now, silent counting … ahmed moustafa on April 08, 2011 : no # 5 is perfective kevoh on March 18, 2011 : tha one for chicken crossing tha road … ..hahahaaa Berenice on March 01, 2011 : You guys truly read all those things ? lol Adam on February 20, 2011 : He gave his heart a ma attack. Paul on February 08, 2011 : ( Your name ) is not for everyone. clinical tests show that ( Your mention ) may cause nausea, fatigue, and kidney or liver problems. Ask your doctor if ( Your name ) is right for you … Johnny on February 03, 2011 : … can do the Kessel play in less than twelve parsec ! Lety on February 01, 2011 : funny : ) i thought they were great ! MsPerceptionRiot on January 26, 2011 : What about a pinecone ? Ur_a_Lozer on January 15, 2011 : I think the condition things were great. so ya Rushikesh on January 08, 2011 : year teach us more than book … Si The Pie In The Sky on November 24, 2010 : Refuses to type any condition. john on November 17, 2010 : friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it but only you can feel the genuine affectionateness. Alexis on November 12, 2010 : I like # 7 it rocks Oh yeah! on November 12, 2010 : I want to invite you over to Myspace so I can Twitter your Yahoo until you Google all over my Facebook. Wayne on October 27, 2010 : I got Facebooked final night ! roscoe on September 30, 2010 : Do sealions eat seazebras ? Delia on September 15, 2010 : I recently forgot where I parked my car. It took me 2 hours to describe to the security what my cable car looks like. moral : never modify your car. Craig on August 26, 2010 : I have a list of the funniest facebook status quotes. Check my web log. ets on July 22, 2010 : # 5 is besides in fallout 3 saraa on July 19, 2010 : dandy, LMAO ! : five hundred funnnieee : ) FAnofME on July 11, 2010 : thank you me for doing what we call in reality … research. ME on July 02, 2010 : actually total 5 is a quote by Gen. Goerge S Patton. Ste on June 30, 2010 :

Number 5 is off call Of duty omneya on June 17, 2010 : adorable

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