Reading: 163 Hilarious Quotes and Sayings for Your Facebook Status – https://songdownloadmp3free.com
Proceed and enjoy a few boisterous outbursts of laugh !
Funny Quotes and Sayings About Social Media
Tired of crafting and posting brilliant Facebook statuses only to be greeted by crickets ? “ W.T.F. ” is WhatsApp, Twitter, and Facebook. There are more significant things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching television and having a beer. On Facebook, you can talk to a wall. Facebook is a electric refrigerator. When you are alone, you open it to see if there is anything there. I wouldn ’ t need Facebook if there was a web site that precisely told me whether or not my exes got fat. I want to change my mention to cipher on Facebook. So when I see person post something stupid, I can like it, and it will say, “ Nobody Likes This. ” Everyone is normal until you add them as your Facebook acquaintance. I ’ thousand regretful that I ’ megabyte not updating my Facebook status. My computerized tomography ate my sneak. What kind of down coiling would cause a person to “ like ” cream cheese on Facebook ? Facebook should truly have a “ no one cares about ” option besides. A long time ago, I used to have a life until person told me to create a Facebook account. That awkward moment when person *Likes* One of your Very old Facebook statuses and you think “ Creeper. ” Sunglasses : allowing you to stare at people without getting capture. It ’ s like Facebook in real life. happy New year ! here ’ sulfur to another class of bust corrode, Facebook surf, and Netflix marathons. dance like the photograph international relations and security network ’ metric ton being tagged. Love like you ’ ve never been unfriended. Sing like cipher ’ south following. Share like you care. And do it all like it won ’ t end up on Youtube ! “ Mark Zuckerberg ruined our lives. ” That might not be a funny story Facebook condition for him. There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets an enormous sum of likes and comments on their posts. And the others are men. You don ’ t have to like me. I ’ thousand not a Facebook status ! “ Quitting Facebook ” is the adult version of running away from family. We all know you do it for attention, and you ’ ll be back soon. The internet is perfect because it satisfies my desire to be alone while still getting attention from people. Thanks for the birthday wishes from everyone who noticed my appoint today in the upper correctly recess of your Facebook page. In advanced politics, even the drawing card of the free world needs help from the sultan of Facebookistan. It ’ mho about bedtime, so I ’ ll merely check my electronic mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and watch a season of my darling display on Disney+ real flying. Everyone is fine until you see them on Twitter .
Funny Facebook Status Updates About Love
Trying to forget person you love is like trying to remember person you ’ ve never met. For the sleep together of God, single people, stop looking for love, or you ’ ll end up married. I ’ megabyte going to open a new Facebook history named Anonymous, so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me ! A relationship should be between two people, not the unharmed universe. Getting person a Sonic beverage means “ I love you ” in Texan. Make beloved, not war. Or do both and marry today. Love is a long angelic dream & marriage is an alarm clock. You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I ’ molarity scared ! A man is already halfway in love with any womanhood who listens to him. If you expect something in revert, it ’ randomness called business, not love. “ Love does not consist of gazing at each other but in looking together in the lapp steering. ”
-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Airman ’ s Odyssey “ Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you ’ re in. ”
-Richard Jeni “ Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. distribute with it. ”
-George Carlin “ Love is the answer, but while you ’ re waiting for the suffice, sex raises some pretty matter to questions. ”
-Woody Allen “ Gravitation is not creditworthy for people falling in love. ”
-Albert Einstein “ A pair of mighty spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in sexual love. ”
-Friedrich Nietzsche “ All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn ’ metric ton pain. ”
-Charles Schulz “ Love is a distribute like a backache. It doesn ’ t show up on X-rays, but you know it ’ south there. ”
-George Burns “ I love being married. It ’ s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the perch of your life. ”
-Rita Rudner Love is like Wi-Fi, you can ’ t see it, but you know when you ’ ve lost it. never forget that we live in a universe in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile call abridge .
Funny Quotes and Sayings for Facebook Status Updates About Family and Friends
You think you love your class, but abruptly there are three of you and one remaining slit of pizza. A grandparent ’ second house is where cousins become best friends The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 % of their ice cream. When person rings the doorbell, I say to my kids, “ I think it ’ mho Santa Claus ! ” so I don ’ t have to get up. My parents never allowed fierce video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, “ Who murdered this guy with a pipe ? ” Two kids is two kids, but three is fifteen. One thing repugnance movies have helped me realize is that as a rear, you decidedly want to avoid having demonic children. When a teller asks if you have a rewards batting order, look down, sigh, and say, “ My wife took everything when she left. ” never let your best friends get lonely… Keep disturbing them. felicitous BIRTHDAY, I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY ! ! ( To all of my FB friends, please don ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate read this until the appropriate day ) Being my supporter is accepting that sometimes I reply to messages in one second and sometimes in 30 days. My best acquaintance is identical strange. She says, “ I miss you a draw, ” and then the next moment, she stops responding for two weeks. Everyone has an annoying supporter. If you don ’ t have one, it ’ sulfur probably you. A good friend would bail you out of imprison, but your best ally would be the one sitting next to you saying, “ damn, that was amazing. ”
Sarcastic Funny Quotes and Sayings for Facebook Status Updates
certain, I ’ vitamin d love to help you out… now, which way did you come in ? Some people should consider having multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities. People who say “ I hate to bother you ” need to learn to hate it a little bite more. Facebook should have a specify on how many times a kinship status can be changed. After 3 times, it should change by default option to “ Unstable. ” If your relationship status says, “ It ’ s complicated, ” then you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “ Single. ” People often mistake me for being a dear hearer. The accuracy is, I in truth fair don ’ t want to talk. You don ’ thyroxine want to question me. I ’ ve forget more in the past week than you ’ ve learned your unharmed life. People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the slope effects they ’ re likely to cause. “ Employee of the Month ” is a adept example of how person can be both a winner and a failure at the same time. A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the evaluate. Accept who you are. Unless you ’ re a serial killer. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Whenever it ’ s a long fib, it means they don ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate want to tell you. Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “ That one is shaped like an idiot ” ? Before you criticize person, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That room, when you criticize them, you ’ re a nautical mile off, and you have their shoes. shout out to fine-looking women who date unattractive men who aren ’ triiodothyronine full-bodied. Thanks for keeping hope alive. The proper manner to use a stress musket ball is to throw it at the last person who ticked you off. I am a smart person but merely do unintelligent things. It ’ sulfur okay if you don ’ thymine like me. not everyone has good taste. I went to see my sophisticate. “ Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What ’ second faulty with me ? ” He said, “ I don ’ thyroxine know, but your eyesight is perfect. ” If you don ’ thymine do stupid things while you ’ ra young, you ’ ll have nothing to smile about when you ’ rhenium old. Cell phones these days keep getting thin and smarter… People the opposite.
You ’ re so conceited. You credibly think this mail is about you. I ’ m indeed bootless. I credibly think this mail is about me. Don ’ t let anyone else ruin your day. It ’ south your day. Ruin it yourself. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants .
Being Broke
You know you ’ rhenium broke when your trust flags deposits arsenic leery activity. My bank proportion is a constant reminder that I ’ meter dependable from identity larceny. I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It ’ s like yea, I know you have more money than me—no need to rub it in. The easiest way to double your money is to fold it over .
Mean Funny Quotes and Sayings for Facebook Status Updates About
Can I click your picture ? I love pictures of natural disasters. artificial news is no catch for natural stupidity .
Politically Incorrect Funny Quotes and Sayings for Facebook Status Updates
The best way to change a woman ’ sulfur mind is to agree with her. Life would be perfect if some girls had dumb buttons, some guys had edit buttons, bad times had debauched forward buttons, and effective times had pause buttons. The liberals can understand everything but people who don ’ thyroxine understand them. To eat oneself is the highest human body of cannibalism .
Mornings
The pollen is indeed thickly. I coughed up two daffodils and a pine cone this morning. I never thought I ’ five hundred be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning… I was right ! Got caught up in a in truth good script concluding night. I didn ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate barricade coloring public treasury 2 oxygen ’ clock this dawn. Weather prognosis for tonight : dark with a casual of tomorrow in the dawn. The reason why I hate mornings so much is that they start while I ’ m even sleeping. I could be a morning person if dawn happened after 11. I don ’ t need a hairdresser. My pillow gives me a newfangled hairdo every morning. I believe there should be a better way to start each day… alternatively of waking up every dawn. just want to give a shout-out, a hug, some dap, a high 5, a pound, handshake, a pat on the back, a kiss, some love, and a commodity morning to you, Facebook. A cute morning ‘chit chat’:
Broccoli : I look like a small corner !
mushroom : I look like an umbrella.
Walnut : I look like a brain ! !
Banana : Can we please change the subject ?
Funny Status Updates About Exercise
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting. The alone drill I ’ ve done this calendar month is running out of money. “ I ran a one-half marathon ” sounds therefore much better than “ I quit halfway through a marathon. ” obviously, people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the topographic point a “ gymnasium. ” I in truth want to work so hard. But being faineant is therefore much fun. If your dog is fatty, you ’ rhenium not getting enough practice. What the heck is planking ? It ’ s the parkour of people who can ’ triiodothyronine move fast. Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong .
Positivity (or Coffee)
A good day starts with a cocksure attitude and a big cup of coffee bean .
Politics
Remember way binding when the only thing that was annoying on your feed was game requests ? today ’ sulfur club is a adept exemplar of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus. A bombastic group of Karens is called a Homeowners Association. beneficial good morning people of my country. Tell me, what are we offended by today ? I ’ ve just been informed that, although the COVID vaccine won ’ t have microchips, it will have the new U2 album. majority rule is being allowed to vote for the campaigner you dislike least “ Every politician has a bright career. unfortunately, most of them do not keep those promises. ”
-Jarod Kintz “ It ’ s easier to fool people than to convince them they have been fooled. ”
-Mark couple “ Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. ”
-José Maria de Eça de Queiroz “ The Democrats are the party of government activism, the party that says government can make you richer, smarter, tall, and get the chickweed out of your lawn. Republicans are the party that says government doesn ’ triiodothyronine solve, and then get elected and prove it. ”
-P.J. O ’ Rourke “ Politics is the art of looking for perturb, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the incorrect remedies. ”
-Groucho Marx
11 Great Puns for your Facebook Status Updates
2,000 mockingbirds is 2 kilomockingbirds. If person tells you “ I love you, ” but you don ’ triiodothyronine feel the same manner and don ’ t pale sodium make it awkward, equitable say “ I love YouTube ” in truth fast. I like to name my ipod “ Titanic, ” so when it says “ Syncing Titanic, ” I click natural, and it makes me feel like a hero. I use to be bang-up at pun. once a pun a time. What password does Forrest Gump use for his Facebook account ? 1forest1 ! Why will you see Voldemort on Instagram, but you won ’ triiodothyronine find him on Facebook ? Because he ’ sulfur got followers, not friends ! Did you hear about the guy who lost the leave side of his soundbox ? He ’ mho alright now. blimp puns are the wurst. What ’ s the difference between a hippo and a nothing ? One is heavy, and the other is a little light. certain, I drank brake fluid. But I can stop anytime ! A police officeholder came up to me yesterday and said, “ Where were you between four and six ? ” I said, “ Kindergarten. ”
Various Funny Quotes and Sayings for Facebook Status Updates
The lone thing I hate more than having a dirty house is cleaning. Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of theater I lived in, or the kind of car I drove. But the world may be unlike because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins became a tourist drawing card. Whenever I feel all alone in the universe, I remind myself that I ’ m a valued customer at respective grocery store stores. People with push-to-start cars never know where their keys are. They equitable know the car opened and started, so their keys must be somewhere. The tibia is a device for finding furniture in a dark board. To err is human. To arr is pirate. If you ever get catch sleeping on the job… lento raise your head and say, “ in Jesus ’ name, amen. ” Are you supposed to wear the buttocks pack over the gut or underneath it ? I don ’ triiodothyronine want to look like a jerk. That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for excessively long, it breaks off, and you wonder why badly things happen to dear people. Kidnapping ? I prefer the term “ surprise adoption. ” People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every sidereal day. “ Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. ”
-Groucho Marx
7 Deep and Profound Social Media Status Updates
Advice needs a estimable hearer. Don ’ thyroxine find true love, and it will find you itself. It ’ south shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the imperativeness to be felicitous. Don ’ triiodothyronine overreact or give advice excessively quickly. This only trains people not to be loose with you. There ’ s no such thing as addiction. There are only things that you enjoy doing more than life. One of the most expensive things you ’ ll always do is pay attention to the amiss person. Deja poo. The feel that you ’ ve hear this crap before .
Great Quotes for Your Status Updates
“ When person else ’ second happiness is your happiness, it ’ s called on-key love. ”
-Lana del Rey “ The heart has reasons that cause does not understand. ”
– Jacques-Bénigne Bossuet “ The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen or even touched ; they must be felt with the heart. ”
-Helen Keller “ Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a calculator with slow Internet to see who they in truth are. ”
-Will Ferrell “ Truth hurts. possibly not a much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts. ”
-Lt. Frank Drebin ( Leslie Nielsen ), Naked Gun 2½ : The Smell of Fear passenger car : “ How ’ s a beer sound, Norm ? ”
average : “ I don ’ t know. I normally finish before they get a bible in. ”
-Coach ( Nicholas Colasanto ) and Norm ( George Wendt ), Cheers “ A day without cheerfulness is like, you know, nox. ”
-Steve Martin “ People say, ‘ But Betty, Facebook is a great room to connect with previous friends. ’ Well, at my old age, if I want to connect with old friends, I need a Ouija board. ”
-Betty White “ Beer, if drunk in temperance, softens the temper, cheers the liveliness, and promotes health. ”
-Thomas Jefferson
“ Homer no affair beer well without. ”
-Homer Simpson
Question:
Which are your favorite funny Facebook condition updates ?
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