Funny Facebook Status
I ’ five hundred rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook .
Facebook is asking, ‘ What ’ s on your heed ? ’ but I think ‘ Who ’ s on your mind ? ’ is a better question.
Facebook is like the prison, you write on walls and get poked by people you don ’ thymine know .
I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it .
I hate it when my consistency decides to get ill. I gave you a vegetable death workweek, how dare you .
If you ’ re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator ?
I ultimately realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that ’ s why it ’ mho called a “ cell ” earphone .
A across-the-board smile is a cooler way of showing your enemies that you have teeth .
Children in the back seat campaign accidents, accidents in the back seat causal agent children !
First rule of Sundays : If you can ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate range it from your frame, you don ’ t need it .
I turned my earphone on airplane modality and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever .
A cookie a day keeps the gloominess aside. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back .
Nerd chat up : I wish I could select all of your clothes and weight-lift erase .
I want to make my name on Facebook ‘ Nobody ’. So when I see person post something unintelligent I can like it, and it will say ‘ Nobody Likes This ’ .
In modern politics, even the drawing card of the exempt universe needs help from the sultan of Facebookistan .
Delete me, Poke me, Like me, Limit me … The choice is yours … Welcome to Facebook, where no one is actually your friend .
never challenge a guy to an arm-wrestling match who ’ s been individual for more than 6 months .
I ’ thousand wondering why logging onto Facebook has become a partially of the everyday routine ? … Do I actually have nothing better to do !
I ’ thousand going to invent a new pill called Niagra that stop erections. The motto will be : “ Viagra Rises, Niagra Falls !
Adding you as my supporter doesn ’ t average I like you, I did it equitable to increase my ally number .
research More : curious Status Messages
If you send me a friend request on Facebook and your profile video is a cable car, I will assume you ’ re a transformer .
I know what you ’ re doing right now… You ’ rhenium reading on my wall, right !
Facebook is kind of like a prison. You spend all day staring at walls and getting poked by people you don ’ triiodothyronine know .
Status for Funny Facebook Posts
I ’ d very post your name here every minute if Facebook keeps on asking me what ’ sulfur on my mind .
I ’ thousand going to open a new Facebook explanation named ‘ Anonymous ’ so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me !
Come over to the dark side…we ’ ve got candy .
Don ’ thyroxine worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the rudiment .
I asked God for a bicycle, but I know God doesn ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate study that direction. So I stole a bicycle and asked for forgiveness .
alcohol ! Because no great narrative started with person eating a salad .
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The example is, never try .
They say every patch of cocoa you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes. I did the mathematics. Seems I died in 1543 .
need something cool to say because you merely slipped and fell ? “ Yep, gravity placid works ! ”
If you ever get an electronic mail about pork, ham, strategic arms limitation talks, and preservatives, don ’ triiodothyronine open it. It ’ randomness spam .
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven ’ thymine pooped it out yet. I ’ m truly scared, you guys .
Save a boyfriend for a showery day – and another, in case it doesn ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate rain .
Quitting Facebook is the new adult version of running away from home. We all know you ’ rhenium doing it for care and we all know that you ’ ll be back !
If your relationship status says, “ It ’ sulfur complicated ” then you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “ Single ” .
I love being married. It ’ s so big to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life .
I might equally well call you Google because you have everything that I am looking for .
If my biography was an action movie, my bos would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook .
This andiron, is dog, a chase, good frump, room frump, to dog, keep pawl, an frump, idiot dog, busy dog, for frump, 30 andiron, seconds frank ! … now read without the son andiron .
May You Need : Funny Jokes for Facebook Post
The entirely reason why 30 guys liked your movie is that they can see correct down your shirt .
People who smile while they are alone used to be called insane until we invented smartphones and social media .
Oh, you ’ re popular on Facebook ? That ’ s cool. I mean, these days it ’ south easy to have 1,500 friends that you ’ ve never met before .
Funny Facebook Status for Selfies
Life is short, smile while you still have teeth .
According to my mirror I am pregnant. The don is Nutella .
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button .
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not .
Honesty is the cardinal to a kinship. If you can fake that, you ’ re in .
My relationship is like an iPad. I don ’ thyroxine have an iPad .
Don ’ triiodothyronine tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the daydream .
I don ’ t need a hairdresser, my pillow gives me a new hairdo every good morning .
If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes .
maine and my bed are arrant for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up .
I ’ m not shy, I ’ m holding back my awesomeness so I don ’ thyroxine intimidate you.
I don ’ t have a girlfriend. But I do know a charwoman who ’ vitamin d be mad at me for saying that .
That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to “ Single ” and your ex-wife likes it .
I won ’ thyroxine parry you or delete you. I ’ meter keeping you there then you will be able to see how felicitous I am without you .
I say, anyone can catch your eye but it takes person special like me to catch your heart .
I ’ ve officially been diagnosed with OFCD ( Obsessive Facebook Checking Disorder ). I have besides been told that I am beyond cure. Please beg for me .
An apple a day keeps anyone off if you throw it unvoiced enough .
I always take animation with a grain of salt …plus a slit of lemon …and a changeable of tequila .
I made my Facebook list “ Benefits, ” therefore when you add me now it says “ you ’ re friends with benefits. ”
I don ’ t have the prettiest confront for you to see or the skinniest shank for you to hold. But I do have the biggest heart to love you with .
Read More : Facebook Selfie Captions
Accept who you are. Unless you ’ re a serial cause of death .
The kids next door challenged me to a urine balloon fight. I ’ m barely updating my status while waiting for the water to seethe .
The more you weight the arduous you are to kidnap. Stay dependable, eat patty .
Funny Facebook Status for Profile Pictures
You don ’ t have to like me, I ’ megabyte not a Facebook status .
Roses are loss, Facebook is blue, No reciprocal friends, Who the hell are you ?
Travel the earth until your Facebook ’ s check-ins finished !
I get enough exercise pushing my luck .
It ’ second okay if you don ’ metric ton like me. not everyone has good taste .
I ’ molarity jealous of my parents, I ’ ll never have a child a cool as them .
Alcohol doesn ’ t solve any trouble, but neither does milk .
Everyone has a photographic memory ; some just preceptor ’ metric ton have the film .
If you can ’ t see the brilliantly english of life, polish the dull side .
I was s*exually harassed at ferment by my boss. But I don ’ t in truth mind. I ’ molarity freelance .
sometimes I drink water system – fair to surprise my liver .
9 out of 10 voices in my head say that I ’ megabyte crazy. The tenth is humming .
If I ’ m not back in five minutes, fair expect longer…
The Poke option is all right, but when is Facebook going to come out with a punch option ?
If I don ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate logarithm into Facebook two days in a row, call the patrol, person must ’ ve kidnapped me !
I ’ ve gone out to find myself. If I should arrive before I get back, please ask me to wait .
Who needs television when you have so much drama on Facebook .
Got a problem with me ? Solve it. Think I ’ megabyte trip ? Tie my shoes. Can ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate stand me ? Sit back down. Can ’ t boldness me ? Turn around .
Your intelligence is my common sense .
I ’ meter regretful that I ’ thousand not updating my Facebook status, my cat-o’-nine-tails ate my mouse .
May You Like : subtitle for Facebook DP
Stop advertise your relationship on Facebook. not everyone wants to see you felicitous .
Kiss me and you will see how crucial I am .
long meter ago I used to have a life until person told me to create a Facebook explanation .
Funny Facebook Quotes
Facebook should have a “ No One Cares ” push button .
Thanks to Facebook, I now know what everyone ’ south toilet looks like !
Facebook is where hypocrisy, faithlessness, bivalent standards, rumors, and depression meet up for coffee .
You ’ re bear free, then you ’ re taxed to death .
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart .
If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to the height of your ego and jump down to your IQ level .
light travels faster than voice. This is why some people appear bright until they speak .
a long as cocoa beans grow on trees, cocoa is fruit to me .
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience .
When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark .
My neighbors were yelling so forte at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room .
Of naturally I have a endowment. I ’ meter truly full in sleep together. sometimes I sleep more than 9 hours in one go .
If you had to decide between a diet and a nibble of cocoa, would you prefer darkness, whiten or milk cocoa ?
I think I ’ molarity gon na take a hot shower. It ’ s like a normal shower but with me in it .
My ex-girlfriend ’ mho status said self-destructive and standing on the edge. So I poked her .
The best direction to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 % of their frost cream .
Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is impregnable adequate to live and enjoy life without depending on others .
Some people need to realize that Facebook is a social network, not a diary .
need More : naughty Status For Facebook
Weather calculate for tonight : benighted with a prospect of tomorrow in the dawn.
sometimes I wish animation was like facebook, you can delete anyone off your page and go rear and delete everything you have said and done !
What can you do to promote world peace ? Go home and love your family .
It’s time to be famous around your Facebook community as well give a reason to your friends and followers to have a good laugh by posting a hilarious facebook status. All of this funny Facebook status and funny Facebook quotes has a variety of use. You can use them as funny DP caption, funny text, hilarious Facebook posts even as funny Facebook comments or Facebook story. Enjoy!
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